Ten Tidbits You Might Not Want To Know

This week marks ten months since we left Dallas. We thought we’d put together a little something fun to celebrate the occasion so we’ve compiled a few tidbits (ten to be exact) that you may or may not care to know about us. Ready or not, here we go.

One – We take advantage of cheap massages. Our original plan was to spend the morning at the Vietnam War Remnant Museum and then return to the room after lunch to put together this lovely post in celebration of our ten months on the road. But, the morning turned to afternoon as we lingered through the photos and stories of Vietnam’s history and when we finally finished around five o’clock, we decided a cold beer was in order. Next thing we know this nice man rides up on his bicycle touting a $5 street massage and all plans to work on our post went out the window and this is what happened instead. (Confession: We average at least one massage a week.)

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Two – I’ve perfected the art of squatting. This is no small thing as squatter toilets are widely used all over Southeast Asia and beyond. A few things you should know: bathrooms in this area often require a nominal fee for usage so carry small monies, they are rarely stocked with toilet paper or soap (a lesson learned the hard way) and the ground is always very wet. After ten months of squatting, I can predict the precise direction that my pee will go, swing myself at just the right angle to hit the bowl, minimize splatter and escape my feet. I’ve developed a system for gathering and holding my loose fitting pants with one hand so as to keep them from touching the wet ground while still keeping one hand free to access the tissue paper that I always have tucked in my sports bra. Really, if you could see me in action, you would be impressed.

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Three – Ashlie can eat like a Thai! It’s common knowledge throughout SE Asia that Thais eat the spiciest food on this side of the planet. My Dad is Mexican so I grew up eating Mexican-spicy food. Plus, I’ve been to Thailand a half dozen times and have always done my best to eat with the same amount of chili peppers as the locals. Before we left to travel I knew she could eat spicy, but I never imagined she’d be the one setting the pace. One of the first things she wanted to learn how to say in Thai was pet mak, very spicy. And when you tell a Thai that you want it pet mak – you best be prepared. The cooks behind the street stalls wear surgical masks to protect themselves from that fog from fistfuls of chili they prepare your food with. There’s such a fine line between pleasure and pain when eating ‘Thai-spicy’ and our spice-tolerance is pretty even. The glowing difference being we can be eating the exact same thing, spicy as hell, and I always begin sweating, while Ashlie’s ears begin to ring. Somehow the Thais award you with a certain level of street credit if you can eat (and drink) with them. The amount of times we’ve been praised by Thais while giving us the thumbs up and, Ooooh, you can eat Thai spicy!

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Four – The stink test. First off, the notion that something needs to be put in the laundry after one wear is silly. I sweat into a shirt or socks 4 or 5 times before the amazing scent of a sweaty man is detectable. Admittedly, back home I usually only wear a shirt, shorts or socks a time or two before chunking them into the laundry. Here? Until it stinks. I’ve only got three pairs of socks, three pairs of shorts and seven tank tops with me and living out of a backpack doesn’t always bode well for organized stuff. Within that pile of clothing on the floor, I can’t always remember what I wore yesterday, nor how many times in a row I wore it. The only answer to this puzzling first world problem is The Stink Test. With laundry not always being convenient, we’ve applied The Stink Test into our daily lives. Two big sniffs from a pit of the shirt or the arch of a sock. If only the slightest hint of sweatiness is noticed, I say it’s got at least another day’s worth of wear left in it. When on the fence, not knowing if the aroma of sweat is too much to risk someone else smelling, I pass the article of clothing to Ashlie. Where she then performs the test and has final say. As previously mentioned, it has been blazingly hot the entire 10 months we’ve been traveling, so this test is not specific to our clothing alone. Many times a week elbows point to the ceiling and The Stink Test is applied to the armpit before deciding if a shower or just more deodorant is needed before tackling our day.

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Five – We have our own language. I’m pretty certain this is a side effect of nonstop togetherness. We’ve developed a form of communication that would most likely seem weird to the average bystander. It’s a variety of accents and phrases taken from several languages and combined with imitations of some of the most memorable people that we’ve met along the way. Adrian has a real knack for impersonating both voices and mannerisms so he is hysterical. I, on the other hand, give it a laughable effort. My absolute favorite is his rendition of a Thai ballad using senseless vocabulary, delivering something like mai chai, khoon phuut a rai, saam, sip, saw at dee khrap, mai chai (sung with twang and intense gesturing), which poetically translates to no, what is your name, three, four, hello, no. I have to find a way to get this on video.

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Six – We’ve eaten more McDonald’s (and other crap) in the last ten months than the previous two years combined. I almost never eat McDonald’s back home (neither does Adrian). With the rare exception of a breakfast biscuit and coffee when at the airport for an early flight, it’s just not part of my diet. I know in the world of healthy eating it shouldn’t even be considered real food but I have to be honest and tell you that sometimes it tastes so damn good. After endless days of rice or a few too many beers with friends, nothing hits the spot like a McDonald’s cheeseburger and those crack-laced french fries. And while we’ve struggled to keep up a regular work out routine on the road, we haven’t had a problem indulging our cravings for sweet roti and all other varied forms of sugar. I wish I’d kept a count on the number of ice cream bars I’ve eaten or the Kit Kat’s that Adrian’s put away. Let’s just say it’s more than a dozen.

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Seven – I haven’t worn a pair of underwear in 10 months. While not entirely true, it’s true. Ashlie has been a long time subscriber to the Commando lifestyle and that’s where it began for me. I’ve always traveled with seven pair of boxers, wearing each pair twice, allowing me two weeks before needing to do laundry, and that’s how many I packed for this year and a half’s worth of travel. But, after we sent a box of clothes home back in July with four of the seven pair in it, I’m now down to three, and those are only worn to sleep. After spending ten consecutive months in the relentless tropical heat and humidity of SE Asia, not wearing the extra layer of cotton has proven to be a breezy bonus.

While I’ve shed the underoos, I’ve gained a pair of lenses. While growing up my Dad always told me, Son, it happens like that (snaps his fingers)! And that’s exactly how it went down. It was only two short years ago that I had my eyes checked and my vision was a strong 20/15. Over the last 6 months my eyes had seemingly been playing tricks on me. Small print that only months before had been clear as day suddenly needed the -extension of the arm/chin into neck pull back – in order to be read. So, before leaving Thailand I had my eyes checked and humbly, my youthful eyes had passed their prime.

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Eight – At least once a day one of us asks where is (insert random object here)? You would think that keeping up with our limited amount of stuff would be simple, after all, we live in one room spaces and everything we have can be fit into backpacks. But, invariably we find ourselves repeating the same scenario over and over again in every new location. Have you seen the other computer charger? No, did you look in the front of the small backpack. Yes, it’s not there. Where did you see it last? Well, I thought I put it in the camera bag. Until both of us stop what we’re doing to scrounge through the usual places and find said object. One of us is more likely to forget or lose stuff than the other (we won’t name names here) so we have developed a few systems like the last minute checklist. Money? Check. Phone? Check. Chapstick? Check. Wallet? Check. All systems are go! Maybe we should employ a few packing strategies as well. To our credit, we pack, unpack and repack several times a month and somehow we always end up with everything in tow, wherever in that bag it may be.

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Nine – We’ve taken over 30,000 photographs between the two of us. Every once in awhile a day will slip by in which I don’t take a photo but this is certainly the exception. Then there are days where we visit something spectacular and take over four hundred in a single day. This makes photo management a full time job, one in which I am perpetually behind (I’m still sorting photos from March). I have a system of downloading, backing up (twice), rating, editing and, because I’m a little geeky, I like to individually tag them into categories so they are easier to find if I am looking for something specific. I even have a collection of photos that is nothing but Adrian taking photos of other tourists. I know, I know, I’m crazy.

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Ten – I ate dog. Although it was 100% accidental, I’m still feeling the guilt. There are few things that I’ve sworn off from doing while traveling – eating dog was at the top of that list. I’ve been a dog lover all of my life. I miss my dog, Rambo, as much as I miss the rest of my family. We were at our first back ally, local Vietnamese restaurant, one where no one speaks a lick of English, trying to order lunch. Being in those surroundings is nothing new for me, and those types of scenarios offer some of the best experiences and opportunities to try new food. Fighting such language barriers, my strategy is simple: Look around to see what the other heads-full-of-black-hair have plated in front of them, then point. Point at their plate, then point to my chest. Point at another plate, then point to Ashlie’s chest. The waitress then repeats the points, we all smile, and we’re set. So when the large chunk of bone surrounded by animal fat showed up in front of me, I had no qualms. That’s exactly what I’d pointed to.

Even though I had no idea what it was, I knew it was either pork or chicken. We’d never heard of or seen dog on any of the menus in any of the other previous five countries we’d been to. Still clueless, I dipped my spoon in and sipped out the steaming broth. Hot and heavily herbed, it had an immediate stench and sourness that triggered my gag reflex. Ashlie cautiously took one sip of the broth and was done, I’m sorry but I just can’t eat that! Very hungry and unwilling to write this thing off by the broth alone, I grabbed the bone and bit off a chunk of the fatty meat. It was my first and last bite. Sadly, I did chew and swallow half of it, but the other half was simply too fatty. I wadded up the gristle inside a napkin and hid it between the bowl and a box of chopsticks. This was the most disgusting tasting pork I’ve ever had. Nor were we able or willing to stomach anything from the other plate of food we’d point-ordered. With zero intension of taking another bite from anything on the table, we asked for a to-go box and the bill. We gave both boxes of yuck to the receptionist who worked at our guesthouse. Six hours later we were sitting in a park when approached by a young local girl who wanted to practice her English with Ashlie. During their conversation Ashlie remembered she’d taken a photo of the sign from the restaurant with the name of what I’d eaten written in Vietnamese. We showed the schoolgirl the photo and asked what Gia Cay meant. Dog! she amusingly replied. OMG. We were both filled with disbelief and nervous laughter. Hard to put into words the shot of emotions that pierced through my body. For a SE Asian country so highly touted for its street food, it was our abrupt introduction into the Vietnamese cuisine.

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For those who have been following along and given us so many humbling and inspiring words, we sincerely thank you.

Check out Adrian’s photography site to see his latest additions –> www.adrianlandin.com